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My Salvation / God's Plan

I was 44 years old when I asked for salvation. What had been going on in my life was that I was really emotionally down because of the negative news and the way that society was acting. One day while I was walking out of the sewage plant to my office in Plant Engineering across the street a truck passed me from the plant. I thought "I could just dive under the tires of that loaded truck and end it all. Next day I talked to a fellow engineer that I knew was a Christian about my thought. Telling him that I don't usually think like that and wondered why I did. He came right back with "that is Satan". Then he gave me a book "From Prison to Praise" to read.

I read it in the next couple days. Then thought about what I had read. Then I knelt on the dinette floor and asked Jesus to come into my life. I cannot explain how I felt other than it sure ended my depression!
 
I was about age 6 or 7 when my parents started going to a Congregational Church because they had a Vacation Bible School over the summer that they took my sister to. It only took a few weeks for my parents (but I think mainly my dad) to realize that they needed salvation. I went forward with my dad on the alter call and you might think that I didn't really understand things at that age and I'm sure there was a lot that was beyond me but I did realize that I needed the Lord Jesus. I also realized that I needed to tell my friends.

At age 10 I was baptized because I knew it was an act of obedience even though I really was afraid of going under water and not being in control of my going under. A picture of me before the baptism shows the fear on my face but I did it. The pastor kindly put a clean folded handkerchief over my nose so no water went up my nose.

In subsequent years my family left that church to join a Baptist church where we learned a lot more about Christian growth and also about end times and the rapture. As a young adult my walk with the Lord was kind of spotty until my mid 30s when I realized that I needed to get serious.
 
This is how I got saved which I posted in another thread. 😊


Goodboy! 😊
 
One night after the cows were milked I was walking from the barn to the house. I stopped in the side yard and looked up at all the stars. I sat down on the lawn and just looked at the stars. Then it came to me!! Who made the stars? I thought for awhile and my conclusion was that It Had To Be God. They couldn't have just happened!!
 
I came to Christ through many years of seed planting and watering. I'd always "believed in God" though I really had no idea, I just knew He was up there. Growing up, my family was not "religious", no church-going, but there was always some acknowledgement of a God above. The extent of the theology I learned from parents and my uncle was "God has one hand over Heaven, and one over Earth. When you die, if your good deeds outweigh the bad, you'll go to Heaven and be like an angel". :doh: Kindergarten was at Grace Baptist Church, where I have vague memories of us kids being led in songs like "Jesus Loves Me".

I was a rotten kid, stealing, lying, and all sorts of things I wasn't supposed to do. I wouldn't shake quarters out of the drink machines on a Sunday though. Did a lot of my childhood up in CT where my stepdad and mom, who was technically my aunt, were a doctor and anesthesiologist. Well, he got involved with a young pediatrician, and divorce came to my family. I hated him for doing that, and making mom sad. She moved us back to NC. Soon after we settled into the new house, a couple of brothers came walking across the lawn and introduced themselves as my new neighbors. One wearing a NC State Wolfpack shirt, the other a Carolina Tar Heels shirt, arguing about basketball. We became fast friends and I soon learned their family were "Christians". They invited and took me to Sunday school and church with them, where we largely goofed off and got in trouble for things like climbing on the church roof during the sermon.

We'd often play basketball at their house until late on summer nights when the mosquitos would be out eating us up. Their dad would come out to get them in the house for bedtime and he'd spend time talking to me about God, and Jesus, telling me things about the Bible. Some of what he would say made me uneasy, but I was respectful to listen to him, as he really seemed to care, which was something I was not used to a dad doing. I knew he loved his family, and his wife. Later as I moved through middle school, then high school, I got involved with the pothead crowd in my junior and senior years. I was an OK student, but mediocre my mom said, and never good enough for her. I guess she wanted me to go into medicine, and have all my ducks in a row like she did. Life at home became increasingly troubled. I entered art school the fall after graduation, on a full ride endowment because of my step-dad's position with the University he worked at in CT. I quickly bombed out since I was more interested in getting stoned than attending classes. Also the drawing teacher ticked me off on the first day of class, because he wanted us to "forget everything we thought we knew" about drawing, and start over.

Well, I was a laborer on a construction crew, and the Friday came that the boss pulled me aside at the end of the day and told me to find another job. I was living in a party house by then, and now unable to pay my rent and share of the utilities. I moved to FL to get to know my real mom. I lived with her and her husband for a year or so until I was able to get working and into an apartment, where I fell in with the local party crowd. Sex, drugs and rock-n-roll ensued for the next four years. Some of the crowd were more temperate than others, and in college. I was encouraged by some to return to school to pursue my commercial art, not waste my life with the losers. I began to spend more time with them, and as time passed, some were graduating and moving on with their lives. I was kinda jealous of that, but realized hey, there is more to life than partying nonstop. At work, there were also some Christians, an older husband and wife, who would often witness to me. They were not condemning of the lifestyle they knew I lived, but held out a better way.

Around that time, infidelity was having it's effect between my mom and her husband. They separated, and she moved out to the resort town where she worked for a large hotel in the office. I also got fired from my restaurant management job, and had to take some other positions for much lower pay. I wrecked my car driving home from a party, but fortunately walked away with no injuries.

The thing to do in FL when we were not working or partying, was of course the beach, and I was really into snorkeling in that clear Gulf water. One day I was down on a sunken shrimp boat, pondering my life and next moves. I was alone that day, friends had other things to do. Observing the fish, and how different kinds did different things, it dawned on me that none of this was an accident, or evolution, there MUST be a Designer behind all of this. Soon after that "revelation", I woke up in our party apartment, amid the baggies and beer cans, stale cigarette butts, and decided you know what, I don't have to live like this, I'm going nowhere, man. I got up my nerve and walked up to the pay phone at the corner and called my mom in NC. Asked her if I could come back home and go back to school.

Well, she and my brother (who both still need Jesus, BTW :pray:) drove down, we loaded up my junk, in their car and mine, and we drove back to NC. I got back into art school, where I met and began dating my future wife. She was a believer. As we got more serious, we'd ask each other the hard questions about life, what we wanted to do, etc. I guess I thought I was a liberal. She asked me a bunch of questions one day, and told me think you are a conservative, you just don't know it. I guess the point of including that was that I had started to see life differently. The day came that we decided we wanted to get married. We had graduated, I was working at the local TV station doing graphics and producing a car trader magazine for them, and she was working at a small ad agency. We had a little duplex, and were doing OK.

I knew that if our marriage would work, it had to be based on God. No church we called would allow us to get married there without being members. I thought that was kinda mean, but finally we found a Pastor who agreed to marry us, but only after six weeks of pre-marriage counseling. I reluctantly agreed, though I was thinking let's just do it now.

Well, during that counseling, he led me through the relevant verses, and to Christ. I got saved about two weeks before we were married. The Pastor did not have a church, the small congregation was meeting in the ballroom at a Holiday Inn across town. We called a little Baptist church outside town a few miles, and they said "Sure, we would love for you to have your ceremony in our church!" Such a contrast from the town churches we had called. I guess it was meant to be like that. We went to Pastor Will's meeting at the hotel for a while, then eventually he got the same Free Will Baptist Church where those two brothers had invited me to Sunday school in 8th Grade! We went there for a while, and eventually he got called to a church up in Raleigh, so we started going to a different church after a few months, where another Pastor Will was one of the kids from my high school! We attended there for years, until for some reason the church split. We felt burned out over all that, and were churchless for some time, during which I discovered RR-BB, then RF, and now CCF, and all of you wonderful folks.

Just this past August, on our 30th anniversary, we began attending the little Baptist Church where we were married. It has been great, and God is so Good! And long-suffering and patient.
 
this one is awkward for me. ive told my story before but the person i told, recoiled. i didnt get communication out of her... i was being interviewed to volunteer in a christian help center... she looked dismayed when i was giving a tidbit of my faith, and cut me off. after much beating around the bush and avoiding me, i finally found out from someone else that that woman couldnt just be open with me and didnt want me there, couldnt tell me why. it wasnt protocol for rejecting someone, so i dont take it too personally; she mishandled her authority. even still, i am reluctant to share, thinking that type of reaction could happen again.

i am not easily swayed, and have struggled over jesus for many years. because im not easily swayed, and for a long time, i didnt believe at all.

my testimony doesnt end with fully putting my trust in jesus. im sorry it just feels phony to me, after all ive seen.

i believe the bible because of cross-references ive made and how it all looks to me. how it makes me feel. how it aligns with things ive seen in my dreams. how jesus's words in Revelation, whether He said them or not, DO line up with the trajectory of the story of the world im watching unfold. AI, transhumanism, etc... its too uncanny.

so i have a faith that is greatly intellectual- or else i couldnt believe- and then the part that depends on God and believes in miracles, His divination, etc.

even though cognitively i believe everything jesus said, i cannot bring myself to say, "jesus christ is my lord and savior." so many people recoil from that, and im used to thinking it sounds hokey, even though from what i read in bible, i cannot help but believe it as written.

thanks for any responses... its a tough one for me to explain and i get afraid of how "regular" christians might react. i just cant be inauthentic and pretend to go by the same phrases and sayings... i have to be real... and i dont know if ill ever be able to express my faith the way i see so many others do.
 
Please, young sister, don't let what people think affect you. The only thing that counts is what God thinks. And God knows you intimately. He does not recoil from you. Not in the least. He is totally drawn to you. He loves you more deeply than you have ever been known. More deeply than you can ever imagine. I know this for a fact ... as surely as I know that I am saved and that God has called me into His service as a minister. I have the witness of His Word and the witness of His Holy Spirit as the guarantee of both things. So, let's talk.

You say that you have a faith that is "greatly intellectual". Excellent! I love intellectual discussion. It's a realm in which I'm comfortable operating. So, please, in order to begin, may I ask one question? Did you literally mean it when you said that cognitively you believe everything that Jesus said? Once you either confirm that statement or modify it, I think you and I can have a productive dialogue, one that I believe will help you. Hopefully others will let us complete our conversation before they jump in to help (although their prayers would be greatly appreciated and definitely helpful.)
 
this one is awkward for me. ive told my story before but the person i told, recoiled. i didnt get communication out of her... i was being interviewed to volunteer in a christian help center... she looked dismayed when i was giving a tidbit of my faith, and cut me off. after much beating around the bush and avoiding me, i finally found out from someone else that that woman couldnt just be open with me and didnt want me there, couldnt tell me why. it wasnt protocol for rejecting someone, so i dont take it too personally; she mishandled her authority. even still, i am reluctant to share, thinking that type of reaction could happen again.

i am not easily swayed, and have struggled over jesus for many years. because im not easily swayed, and for a long time, i didnt believe at all.

my testimony doesnt end with fully putting my trust in jesus. im sorry it just feels phony to me, after all ive seen.

i believe the bible because of cross-references ive made and how it all looks to me. how it makes me feel. how it aligns with things ive seen in my dreams. how jesus's words in Revelation, whether He said them or not, DO line up with the trajectory of the story of the world im watching unfold. AI, transhumanism, etc... its too uncanny.

so i have a faith that is greatly intellectual- or else i couldnt believe- and then the part that depends on God and believes in miracles, His divination, etc.

even though cognitively i believe everything jesus said, i cannot bring myself to say, "jesus christ is my lord and savior." so many people recoil from that, and im used to thinking it sounds hokey, even though from what i read in bible, i cannot help but believe it as written.

thanks for any responses... its a tough one for me to explain and i get afraid of how "regular" christians might react. i just cant be inauthentic and pretend to go by the same phrases and sayings... i have to be real... and i dont know if ill ever be able to express my faith the way i see so many others do.
I believe that Mattfivefour would be helpful for you to communicate with. I can tell you that Mattfivefour is by no means judgemental and has a lot of Bible knowledge. I am both very logical and also have a need to be real and cannot fake things. So I would never accept Christianity and Jesus until I really believed it. Sounds to me like you are the same. One thing that did not make sense to me was God condemning man for sinning and then killing his son in order to forgive us.

Until that was explained to me in a way that it logically made sense, this was a stumbling block for me. I wonder if there is something about Christianity that does not fit in with your logical thinking? If so, maybe like me you just need someone to explain it to you in a way that makes sense. In any case, while I would love to be able to communicate with you I think Mattfivefour would do a far better job at least at first. 👍

I highly suggest that you take Mattfivefour up on his kind offer. 😍

Goodboy 🙏
 
I believe that Mattfivefour would be helpful for you to communicate with. I can tell you that Mattfivefour is by no means judgemental and has a lot of Bible knowledge. I am both very logical and also have a need to be real and cannot not fake things. So I would never accept Christianity and Jesus until I really believed it. Sounds to me like you are the same. One thing that did not make sense to me was God condemning man for sinning and then killing his son in order to forgive us.

Until that was explained to me in a way that it logically made sense, this was a stumbling block for me. I wonder if there is something about Christianity that does not fit in with your logical thinking? If so, maybe like me you just need someone to explain it to you in a way that makes sense. In any case, while I would love to be able to communicate with you I think Mattfivefour would do a far better job at least at first. 👍

I highly suggest that you take Mattfivefour up on his kind offer. 😍

Goodboy 🙏
thanks so much goodboy. i will indeed take matt54 up on his offer.

yes it appears you and i have something in common.

i will have to contemplate what exactly causes me to "stumble." offhand i can speculate and point out branches, but if there is something the factors all connect to, i dont know it offhand.

babys crying so ill be back to go deeper on all of this. thanks everyone
 
Please, young sister, don't let what people think affect you. The only thing that counts is what God thinks. And God knows you intimately. He does not recoil from you. Not in the least. He is totally drawn to you. He loves you more deeply than you have ever been known. More deeply than you can ever imagine. I know this for a fact ... as surely as I know that I am saved and that God has called me into His service as a minister. I have the witness of His Word and the witness of His Holy Spirit as the guarantee of both things. So, let's talk.

You say that you have a faith that is "greatly intellectual". Excellent! I love intellectual discussion. It's a realm in which I'm comfortable operating. So, please, in order to begin, may I ask one question? Did you literally mean it when you said that cognitively you believe everything that Jesus said? Once you either confirm that statement or modify it, I think you and I can have a productive dialogue, one that I believe will help you. Hopefully others will let us complete our conversation before they jump in to help (although their prayers would be greatly appreciated and definitely helpful.)

thanks for all your encouragement. yes i "literally" meant it. ive realized over the past day that i should probably clarify something. i mostly meant, that just those phrases- one might call them "canned"- "God bless you," "Jesus is my savior," "I'm a born-again Christian" ... whether someone truly means those things or not, those phrases sound "canned" to me now, like someone trying to "fit in" with what a christian is supposed to say. do they really mean it? sometimes i feel they are only speaking "christian-ese" and my big thing here is making sure NOT to sound like im just trying to fit the mold.

at the same time, in my pursuit to live by absolute truth, there IS that shred of doubt that i keep as a backup: "did jesus really exist?"

my bro, who doesnt practice a specific religion, surprised me years ago when i talked to him about this. he said, "no, jesus really did exist; the question is whether hes the son of God."

i was like, really?? because i was at a point where, if i could truly believe He EXISTED, without any doubt, then i could believe. my unbelieving, worldly brother was therefore closer to believing in jesus, technically, than i was, even though i was the one attracted to the ways of Jesus, and my bro was not.

theres that shred of doubt i keep, as a journalist at heart, always asking once more, "well wait... DID He really exist?"

that way, if im the idiot talking about jesus when its just another false religion, then at least i can say, "Well, i WAS always questioning it..."

i just dont want to be a fool. and plenty of people have been fooled by false beliefs. so how can i be so sure this one is real?

i set out in like 2014 to settle the score once and for all. i started reading the bible from cover to cover, positive that id find things that dont match up with the truth about history etc, and then id be able to go back to my new christian friends and point out all its fallacies!

lol... so i read and read and read from beginning to end... looked up ancient cities' names, old kings' names etc, and was astonished to find that MANY were accounted for- from secular sources even- and i NEVER found anything that contradicted the bible. at worst, some names just didnt surface online. but there were zero contradictions to find.

after some time i went deeper. i started searching up online lists like, "reasons not to believe the bible." at this point, i didnt really want to believe it still... partly because our culture laughs at it... but then lo and behold its like my eyes were suddenly opened. i found plenty of lists, and once again was astonished... id read lists like those before, and agreed with all the ways they disagreed with bible. but this time, after all the studying and "fellowshipping" id been doing (another christian-ese word that may have once sounded great but sounds hokey to me after id fallen away from it all [i grew up in church]), i suddenly saw these bulletpoints in a new light- EACH argument was incredibly shallow! basically things like, "noahs ark- c'mon, that cant be true!" no matter how long a list, NONE of them cited any historical evidence contradicting the bible. the entire thing was conjecture, no context, just pulling verses and disagreeing with them, nothing more. they sounded childish to me! that was a turning point... being like, wow, these people didnt even do any research... oh no... am i going to believe?

so its been more than a decade and i wanna believe but at the same time want to MAKE SURE im not just going along with something false. so i really dont like to use typical phrases, in order to make sure i sound authentic...

at the same time if i do believe then id like to say things like that some time. im torn. and no matter how much i have reason to believe, that little piece nags at me, being like, "make sure first..."

so maybe that sums it up a bit. thanks for anything else
 
thanks for all your encouragement. yes i "literally" meant it. ive realized over the past day that i should probably clarify something. i mostly meant, that just those phrases- one might call them "canned"- "God bless you," "Jesus is my savior," "I'm a born-again Christian" ... whether someone truly means those things or not, those phrases sound "canned" to me now, like someone trying to "fit in" with what a christian is supposed to say. do they really mean it? sometimes i feel they are only speaking "christian-ese" and my big thing here is making sure NOT to sound like im just trying to fit the mold.

at the same time, in my pursuit to live by absolute truth, there IS that shred of doubt that i keep as a backup: "did jesus really exist?"

my bro, who doesnt practice a specific religion, surprised me years ago when i talked to him about this. he said, "no, jesus really did exist; the question is whether hes the son of God."

i was like, really?? because i was at a point where, if i could truly believe He EXISTED, without any doubt, then i could believe. my unbelieving, worldly brother was therefore closer to believing in jesus, technically, than i was, even though i was the one attracted to the ways of Jesus, and my bro was not.

theres that shred of doubt i keep, as a journalist at heart, always asking once more, "well wait... DID He really exist?"

that way, if im the idiot talking about jesus when its just another false religion, then at least i can say, "Well, i WAS always questioning it..."

i just dont want to be a fool. and plenty of people have been fooled by false beliefs. so how can i be so sure this one is real?

i set out in like 2014 to settle the score once and for all. i started reading the bible from cover to cover, positive that id find things that dont match up with the truth about history etc, and then id be able to go back to my new christian friends and point out all its fallacies!

lol... so i read and read and read from beginning to end... looked up ancient cities' names, old kings' names etc, and was astonished to find that MANY were accounted for- from secular sources even- and i NEVER found anything that contradicted the bible. at worst, some names just didnt surface online. but there were zero contradictions to find.

after some time i went deeper. i started searching up online lists like, "reasons not to believe the bible." at this point, i didnt really want to believe it still... partly because our culture laughs at it... but then lo and behold its like my eyes were suddenly opened. i found plenty of lists, and once again was astonished... id read lists like those before, and agreed with all the ways they disagreed with bible. but this time, after all the studying and "fellowshipping" id been doing (another christian-ese word that may have once sounded great but sounds hokey to me after id fallen away from it all [i grew up in church]), i suddenly saw these bulletpoints in a new light- EACH argument was incredibly shallow! basically things like, "noahs ark- c'mon, that cant be true!" no matter how long a list, NONE of them cited any historical evidence contradicting the bible. the entire thing was conjecture, no context, just pulling verses and disagreeing with them, nothing more. they sounded childish to me! that was a turning point... being like, wow, these people didnt even do any research... oh no... am i going to believe?

so its been more than a decade and i wanna believe but at the same time want to MAKE SURE im not just going along with something false. so i really dont like to use typical phrases, in order to make sure i sound authentic...

at the same time if i do believe then id like to say things like that some time. im torn. and no matter how much i have reason to believe, that little piece nags at me, being like, "make sure first..."

so maybe that sums it up a bit. thanks for anything else
Thanks for sharing more about how you have been and are approaching Christianity. 😍

When you stated that "at the same time want to MAKE SURE im not just going along with something false." it made me think of the excuse I planned to use before I got saved if God asked me why I did not become part of a certain religion. Please read my testimony below where I state that.


As far as Jesus being real. Well time itself is based on Jesus. What does BC and AD mean?

AD stands for Anno Domini, which is Latin for in the year of the Lord. It’s a way of counting years based on the estimated birth of Jesus Christ. BC stands for Before Christ, and it’s a way of counting years before the estimated birth of Jesus Christ. AD starts with year 1 and continues to the present day. BC starts with the year before Christ’s birth, 1 BC, and counts backward to the year 10,000 BC.

So the world is using Jesus birth to determine the date we use. This means everyone saved or not is actually acknowledging Jesus' birth.

Hope this helps in some way! 👍

God Bless! 😍
 
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