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Beauty for ashes, my testimony

Acts5:41

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My birth mother drank heavily every day especially when she was carrying me. No one held her accountable because I was a "rainbow" baby born after the death of my older sibling.

I was born with delays due to fetal alcohol syndrome. When they were diagnosed she left, came back, neglected me severely enough child services removed me from her custody.

My Dad remarried but she always made it clear her kids came first. When I met a predator with many red flags ("I have had blackouts due to drinking". "I beat up my ex but she had it coming". "My ex has a restraining order on me". "I borrowed $1,000 from a woman and didn't pay her back") I told her about him. When she found out he'd made sure he couldn't have kids she pushed me at him. I found out he was seeing other women and she talked me into staying with him.

She told me later the experts had told her I wouldn't be able to live on my own. She was desperate to get rid of me. He was 20 years older than me. I was 17.

So I ran off with him. Things were very bad. I moved to Texas to get away from him, he quit his job and followed me.

He drank, verbally abused me, always threatening to throw me out in the street. I knew my stepmom wasn't taking me back. He had said we'd get married. He didn't.

My faith has always been very important to me and I knew I was letting Him down.

Ron started his own business. He was blind and had ongoing issues with employment. He talked me into quitting my office job and working for him. For the rest of his life he held that over me: he controlled all the money and gave me a small allowance. I was stuck.

Then he got run over by a pickup truck while walking to work. He was actually dead on scene. I spoke to the paramedic and he confirmed. He also said it was the worst accident he'd ever seen. They got him back.

Ron's family would have rather he died. I had to beg his father to consent to lifesaving surgery as his mother said no and I had no legal rights. His family treated me very badly: we were at odds. They wanted "easy" I wanted what was right for Ron. His Dad signed Ron over to me and I took him home.

Ron had pretty major injuries. He'd had a stroke so his right side didn't work. He also had ongoing and very painful back issues. He'd had pretty much the worst head injury you can without opening the skull so he had issues with that. It sort of made him autistic he couldn't handle things like going to the store or out to eat.

Back to me. I had battled severe depression my whole life.

Going to continue in the next post.
 
God showed me He had plans for me and all of this would work for good.

The day of the accident I brought my Bible to the hospital and God used Psalm 72 to show me Ron would recover. As I read my Bible - I was in such torment but I knew God had me. I looked at at the other sobbing families. They didn't.

I had been in the habit of picking up low cost paperback Bibles. I went home, got them all. Maybe 5 or 6.

I didn't want to get a label so I waited. They always made us leave for an hour so they could clean. I made my move and set the Bibles out various places. I went to lunch. When I came back everyone was dug into the Bibles like this and looking much better.

I have handed out thousands of Bibles since and I'm very humbled and honored God has used me.
Back to Ron. The new Ron was actually a decent guy. I had fairy tale poisoning, we were going to live happily ever after.

We did not. Less than two months after the wedding he was drinking to blackouts, physically abusing me, verbal abuse escalated. He controlled everything in my life including work, money, transportation even. I had my online life and my outreach.

After one particularly bad night he had beaten me up. Ron's boss told me he (we) would lose his job if I pressed charges as we worked in a federal facility. No one would help me leave and they all play the guilt card "what will happen to poor Ron if you leave him" they would rather I go back to him and he his punching bag.

I cried out to God and He led me to Corinthians 7 and told me I was to treat Ron as the unbelieving husband. That God would give me what I needed and it would all work for good.

I can't tell you how many Bible Handouts I was out there on the median after nights of hell, battling migraines, etc.

Ron was having violent blackouts every night. One night he sat in his wheelchair outside the door of my bedroom. I had it barricaded so he couldn't get in. He was sitting out there with his bottle of vodka and something in his lap, muttering profanities. He would get very angry if I moved the location of the knife in the kitchen. I can tell you now I was convinced he was going to kill me.

COVID hit about the same time he began having grand mal seizures. My online stalker decided to report me to APS because he didn't want to take anything. I had to contend with the investigation on top of everything else.

Ron had been slipping mentally but he was also very drunk all the time, and ugly with it. He started forgetting to pay bills, and couldn't work his computer. I took over the accounting part of the job.

He told me, in tears one day, he couldn't count to 20 anymore. He was scared but he knew it was bad news. So did I. I respected his choice.

Cat in my lap another post coming
 
He had a very strong family history of Alzheimer's. And he had it.

One day I ran an errand and came home to find him dead. He had not put me on the checking account. I had $16 in my account. The blind vendors laid me off 2 days later.

God is good; He took amazing care of me. I got my ministry back, a challenging retail job that makes the days pass quickly. The life insurance really did pay off the house.

I can live on what I make. I have 3 precious cats, good friends. I can't drive due to my problems so I ride the bus = more ministry. We had very cold weather back in January, bus service shut down, and my friends were competing to bring me to work.

I do 2 primary ministries: "Candy Lady" tracts/Scripture booklets/ New Testaments in bags of candy, and the street evangelism me holding a Free Bibles sign in a median in Cracktown.

Please pray for the recipients! ❤️
 
What a trophy of God's grace you are! Thank you for sharing your testimony. May God be glorified through it and many souls brought into the Kingdom. And may your ministry also bear much fruit for God. You are reaching the marginalized, the hurting, and the abused ... those so close to God's heart. What a ministry He has entrusted you with!
 
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