Goodboy
Just waiting for the Rapture at this point!
Not You but We
Question: Are you perfect?
Correct Answer: No
Question: Are you perfect in anything you do?
Correct Answer: No
Question: So is there anything at all that you do perfectly?
Correct Answer: No
If you think the answer to any of the questions above is “Yes” then stop reading now, because you will not agree with the point I will be making.
A husband and wife are in an argument which continues to escalate. The husband is certain that the wife is completely in the wrong and conversely the wife is absolutely certain that the husband is in the wrong. No surprise here right. I am sure we have all experienced this even if we are not married, unless of course you have never been in an argument and if that is the case, you should be writing this not me.
So the husband and wife are both extremely angry and have not solved the issue. In fact, they have only made things worse by discussing the problem. They are both thinking, “How can I ever convince him/her to change. If they would only truly listen and come around to my way of thinking everything would be fine. They really need to change.”
Have you ever said (or wanted to say) to your husband or wife “You need to change” after having an argument? If so your thinking (like mine) is incorrect. So what is the correct statement? The statement should be “We need to change”. Why? Well if you are still reading this, it should mean you agree with the fact that you are not perfect. Then however it is that you are relating to your spouse or handling your problem is not totally correct, meaning there is something you can do better.
You may be thinking, “OK so I might be 2 percent wrong, but my spouse is 98 percent wrong!” That may well be true, but you can try to correct that 2 percent while your spouse tries to correct their 98 percent. The point here being you are a team and as neither of you are perfect, as a team you should both try to improve. Also, by making the statement “We need to change”, you are confirming that fact that you are a team.
Have you ever listened to what a coach says to a team when they are losing a game? While he may point out specific things to individuals, most of his words are about what “We” need to do. We need to pass the ball more or we need to play better defense or we need to play more like a team. You will hear the word “We” a lot from anyone addressing a team. Well aren’t you and your spouse a team?
After an argument don’t tell your spouse or even think that they need to change. First apologize and then in a soft spoken voice say that we need to change. Then ask your spouse some suggestions of what changes you can make. If they have none, start suggesting some things yourself. Ask them if there are any things they think they can change. Hopefully they will ask you for suggestions. Make sure it is clear that both of you should try to make some changes to correct the problem.
So who should change? Both of you after EVERY argument, no matter who has the greater fault. Remember, as you are not perfect you always have some portion of the fault. Just in case you are thinking that you are almost perfect, let me ask you some questions.
Do you continually pray for your spouse throughout the day?
Do you ALWAYS put your spouse first in ALL decisions you make?
Do you ever have a negative thought about your spouse?
Do you ever wish your spouse was more like someone else?
Do you ever speak harshly to your spouse?
Do you make sure all of your spouse’s needs are met physically and emotionally?
Do you tell your spouse you love them enough and praise them enough?
Now I could go on and on with these questions showing that you are not perfect, but my fingers are getting tired of typing. Hopefully if you did not already acknowledge it, you do see that you are far from perfect just like the rest of us.
So now one last time. Who needs to change? Both of you! Don’t say “you need to”, you should say “we need to” when speaking of change.
Goodboy
Question: Are you perfect?
Correct Answer: No
Question: Are you perfect in anything you do?
Correct Answer: No
Question: So is there anything at all that you do perfectly?
Correct Answer: No
If you think the answer to any of the questions above is “Yes” then stop reading now, because you will not agree with the point I will be making.
A husband and wife are in an argument which continues to escalate. The husband is certain that the wife is completely in the wrong and conversely the wife is absolutely certain that the husband is in the wrong. No surprise here right. I am sure we have all experienced this even if we are not married, unless of course you have never been in an argument and if that is the case, you should be writing this not me.
So the husband and wife are both extremely angry and have not solved the issue. In fact, they have only made things worse by discussing the problem. They are both thinking, “How can I ever convince him/her to change. If they would only truly listen and come around to my way of thinking everything would be fine. They really need to change.”
Have you ever said (or wanted to say) to your husband or wife “You need to change” after having an argument? If so your thinking (like mine) is incorrect. So what is the correct statement? The statement should be “We need to change”. Why? Well if you are still reading this, it should mean you agree with the fact that you are not perfect. Then however it is that you are relating to your spouse or handling your problem is not totally correct, meaning there is something you can do better.
You may be thinking, “OK so I might be 2 percent wrong, but my spouse is 98 percent wrong!” That may well be true, but you can try to correct that 2 percent while your spouse tries to correct their 98 percent. The point here being you are a team and as neither of you are perfect, as a team you should both try to improve. Also, by making the statement “We need to change”, you are confirming that fact that you are a team.
Have you ever listened to what a coach says to a team when they are losing a game? While he may point out specific things to individuals, most of his words are about what “We” need to do. We need to pass the ball more or we need to play better defense or we need to play more like a team. You will hear the word “We” a lot from anyone addressing a team. Well aren’t you and your spouse a team?
After an argument don’t tell your spouse or even think that they need to change. First apologize and then in a soft spoken voice say that we need to change. Then ask your spouse some suggestions of what changes you can make. If they have none, start suggesting some things yourself. Ask them if there are any things they think they can change. Hopefully they will ask you for suggestions. Make sure it is clear that both of you should try to make some changes to correct the problem.
So who should change? Both of you after EVERY argument, no matter who has the greater fault. Remember, as you are not perfect you always have some portion of the fault. Just in case you are thinking that you are almost perfect, let me ask you some questions.
Do you continually pray for your spouse throughout the day?
Do you ALWAYS put your spouse first in ALL decisions you make?
Do you ever have a negative thought about your spouse?
Do you ever wish your spouse was more like someone else?
Do you ever speak harshly to your spouse?
Do you make sure all of your spouse’s needs are met physically and emotionally?
Do you tell your spouse you love them enough and praise them enough?
Now I could go on and on with these questions showing that you are not perfect, but my fingers are getting tired of typing. Hopefully if you did not already acknowledge it, you do see that you are far from perfect just like the rest of us.
So now one last time. Who needs to change? Both of you! Don’t say “you need to”, you should say “we need to” when speaking of change.
Goodboy
